On the way to the 2023 Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation Legacy Gala, I got into a car accident.
My parents, my husband, my dear friend, and I drove downtown in our fancy suits and gowns. Our excitement grew as we neared the Indianapolis event venue, and a low level of nerves knotted in my stomach. I was trying not to think too hard about the speech I would be giving.
After all, I was the event’s honoree.
But when we were minutes away from the event and the fun(draising) about to begin, a car ran a red light at an intersection—and drove straight into us.
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THE MOMENT EVERYTHING CHANGES
It feels particularly unfair to have something so bad happen when you’re doing everything right—like driving through a green light.
In a moment, the atmosphere switched from happy chatter to screams. Metal crunched and tires screeched. Knees scraped against seats and sideboards. The airbag detonated, sending particles into the air.
Disoriented, we pulled over to the side of the road and, fearing the haze was smoke, filed out of the vehicle. We tried to make sure everyone was okay (our seatbelts worked!), but we were all slightly stumbling and scraped, adrenaline stealing our breaths.
Time swam. With shaky hands, I called 9-1-1. I dialed the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s Executive Director next so she knew what was happening. I texted family and friends who were at the event to celebrate my involvement.
We wondered if we should still go to the gala. We waited for the police.
It took a while for them to come.
WHAT’S NEXT?
During the wait, I sobbed on the steps of the local law firm we had been hit in front of (and I still find this ironic since they’re known for accident law).
Crying helped.
And people started showing up. My brother with ice packs and Tylenol and bags to get things out of my mom’s totaled car. A good Samaritan who had witnessed the accident stopped to make sure he could give his testimony. Some of my in-laws, on the way to the gala, came by and offered support while we decided whether we still wanted to go to the event or not.
By this point, the gala had started, but if we felt up to it, we could still make it in time for dinner—and my speech.
THE SHOW GOES ON
After getting into an accident like that, suddenly, a speech doesn’t seem all that nerve-wracking. I felt like if, timing-wise, we could still make it, we should go.
Everyone agreed.
It wasn’t like my speech or award was the important part. I wanted to be there to support the overall goal for the night: raising money to support the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation.
We managed to get there right as the dinner—and the speeches—began.
TO SUM IT UP
The event was a success. Our IBD Community gathered together and funds were raised to support advocacy work, sending kids to Camp Oasis, research into better medications (and a cure) and more.
But the more distance I get from that night, the more I’ve started to realize that the evening itself encapsulated part of what it’s like living with Crohn’s disease.
How everything can go from normal to oh no, something’s wrong.
THE IMPACTS YOU EXPECT—AND THOSE YOU DON’T
If you’re one of the 25% of Americans living with a disability (CDC), you might know what I mean about how everything can go from being okay to suddenly, definitely not, even when you’re doing everything “right”.
And if you’re not part of the 25%, you might be a caregiver to someone who is chronically ill or disabled, or you truly never know what your future has in store for your health (this isn’t meant to be ominous—just a fact!).
The onset of a disease like Crohn’s can hit hard, fast, and unexpectedly. I’ve talked to several folks with IBD who have been hospitalized due to bleeding bowels, unexplained weight loss, and other damaging symptoms, which led to their diagnosis. But whether you’re hospitalized to find an answer or one comes after pain, symptoms, and plenty of testing (like mine did at age twelve), the impact hits all the same.
The doctor appointments. The medications. The diet changes.
…life.
GETTING BACK IN THE CAR
A new, different life comes after diagnosis. IBD can go into medical remission, where everything feels normal (or somewhat normal and then it flares, which means the symptoms come back.
Thinking on this cycle led me to realize that having a chronic illness like this can sometimes be like experiencing a series of car accidents—some you can see coming from a mile away and do your best to avoid and others that take your breath away in the moment you least expect it. Sometimes you back into a mailbox when you’re distracted, and other times you’re going through the green light when the collision strikes.
I’ve been living with Crohn’s for over 18 years now, and as I continue to age, I’m learning that part of navigating the world in this body of mine is making peace with the unexpected and focusing on what’s in my control.
Because it can be hard to get back in the car again and again and not know when—or if—the impact will happen. Or to trundle along in a car that has several dents and an engine that’s making a funny noise, but nothing’s really bad enough for the mechanic (doctor) to have an answer for you.
So, you keep driving.
But you don’t have to do it alone, and it doesn’t mean it won’t get better.
SUPPORT THROUGH THE SWERVES
I’m not going to pretend like you make it through a crash, and in the aftermath, the sun starts shining again and your body is perfectly, wonderfully, well.
But what I remember from the night of the gala accident—and the days following—is how techniques I’d been learning to process emotion and trauma helped me find peace through the turmoil and how many people showed up for me and my loved ones. There were hugs. Kind words. A sense of support and presentness.
I am deeply grateful for all the care I received that night, and all the support that has allowed me to live the life I have while navigating this disease.
THE OPEN ROAD
Since I’ve been doing this whole life-with-an-autoimmune-disorder thing for 18 years, I’ve started to understand what truly helps me through the many swerves, crashes, and periods of wonderfully smooth sailing down vast, open roads (because there are certainly good times, too!).
Please know, these tips might feel simplistic, but I share them in good faith and to offer a single perspective. If you have thoughts—please share them! I want this to be a conversation.
Therapy & Inner Work
Finding a trusted mental health professional has helped me work through my anxiety and depression (a mental health short story will end the week!). Some of this has looked like traditional talk therapy, and some has looked like spiritual life coaching support.
I feel like it’s important to note that not all my mental health issues are related to my chronic illness, but that managing stress is an important part of staying physically well, so everything often feels interconnected. Again, more on this soon.
Continuing to Learn About My Body & Advocate for My Needs:
I feel like I could turn this point into a blog, but this boils down to me working to listen to my body and its needs and creating space within my personal and professional life to satisfy them—even when it’s hard.
There are also things I know can improve my health, like being conscious of the foods I eat, the exercise I get, the way I care for my mental health, and more. This is what I can control.
I do my best.
It isn’t always easy.
Creating Community & Support:
I am grateful to be surrounded by people who understand my illness and support me in advocating for my needs—and I hope to offer that same grace to others in my life.
Shoutout to my wonderful husband, my family, my friends, my work colleagues (who are also friends), my writing buddies, my clients, and more. I am deeply grateful for your support.
The Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation has also been a huge support for me. I joined the Indiana Chapter’s Board in 2022 after years of involvement, and I am thankful for a positive space to be in where people understand what it’s like living with this disease and are working to make things better for others.
And a last-minute addition…
I can’t stress how impactful it is to have medical providers that listen to your symptoms, believe you, and work with you to improve your health. I have not always had this. But when I have gotten that type of not-rushed, truly-interested medical care, wow, does it make a difference.
I have more thoughts, but for not-overwhelming-you reasons, I will leave these here for now! Plus, I still have more blogs to share this week. Which leads me to…
UP NEXT: You May Owe $17,000 and Several Months of Your Life: Crohn’s and Colitis Advocacy Efforts
In Wednesday’s story-blog, I’m going to be diving into a dreaded experience most people with chronic illnesses or disabilities have to experience.
The never-ending loop of dealing with…
Insurance companies.
*Cure the scary music* And also, my apologies if you work at an insurance company and are reading this—I do appreciate you!
Come back to see what happened when I got a notice that told me I might owe $17,000 (and several months of my life).
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